trying to do an essay

me: sits at computer for 2.5 seconds

me: cleans entire room

me: reorganizes blog

me: creates new language

me: runs full-scale campaign to elect self ruler of new sovereign nation

me: saves universe

me: wow haha i sure got a lot done today i can just do my essay tomorrow


ma’am im sorry but that baby was due today, i don’t care if its not done just turn in what you have

Friend: So how do you think you've changed since high school?

Me: Well I became aware of oppressive power structures and how we are complicit in them and now seek to dismantle them.

Friend: ...

Me: I also think I got hotter.


Katy Perry’s first and last attempt at crowd surfing